Are You Ready for Marriage? 98 Questions to Answer Before You Marry

Are You Ready for Marriage? 98 Questions to Answer Before You Marry

So maybe you’re thinking you’ve finally found “the one”, and you find yourself dreaming more and more about that big celebration launching your lives into wedded bliss. You’ve talked for hours on end, you can finish each other’s sentences, and you already know what you want to name your first puppy.

But what haven’t you discussed yet?

Have you really explored each other’s past experiences, present plans, and expectations for the future? Sometimes it’s the seemingly little things we don’t think to talk about now that turn into the major issues later. This list of questions is a great springboard for further conversation – set some time aside with your special someone and see if the two of you really are aligned in writing your together ever-after!


FAMILY BACKGROUND

  1. Who were you close to in your family?
  2. How did you know that you were loved by your mother? Your father?
  3. How was affection shown?
  4. What was the mood or atmosphere in the home?
  5. What made you feel special in the family?
  6. How were conflicts handled by your parents?
  7. Were your parents divorced?
  8. If so, what was your age? Describe the process of divorce and the post-divorce adjustment.
  9. How did your mother and father handle their anger?
  10. What was your mother like as a wife? Your father as a husband?
  11. Who handled the discipline?
  12. Describe the relationship between you and your sibling(s).
  13. How were the finances handled in the family?
  14. Were there any addictions in the family?
  15. What was done for fun? For vacations?
  16. What responsibilities did you have in the family?
  17. How were things shared among family members?
  18. What did you do when you were angry? At mother? At father? At sibling(s)?
  19. Was there a spiritual influence in your home? From your mom? Your dad? Both parents?
  20. Did you attend a place of worship? How often?
  21. Did you pray with any family members?

CONSCIENCE

  1. How consistent are your attitudes and behaviors with what you say you believe?
  2. What do you feel strongly about? Rights and wrongs?
  3. How do you handle it when you are wrong?
  4. How defensive are you?
  5. What are the common defenses you use?
  6. What makes you feel guilty at times?
  7. Do you tend to repeat the behaviors, attitudes and reactions that you previously felt guilty about?
  8. Do you understand my perspective?
  9. Do you validate my perspective when I explain myself to you?
  10. you understand and even anticipate how I feel sometimes?
  11. How do you respond to my explanation of my views and my feelings?
  12. Who do you feel accountable to?
  13. How do you react to authority figures?
  14. How controlling are you?
  15. What special things do you do for me?
  16. How much attention do you give to my spoken needs? Requests? Unspoken ones?
  17. What are your moods like? How stable or unstable are they?

COMPATIBILITY POTENTIAL

  1. How does your personality compare to mine?
  2. What are the strengths and weaknesses of your personality?
  3. How does your intelligence level compare with mine?
  4. How do you handle your emotions?
  5. What things upset you?
  6. How open are you about personal issues?
  7. How do you express affection and love?
  8. Are you driven or do you tend to take things as they come?
  9. What is your energy level like compared to mine?
  10. How does your sense of humor fit with mine?
  11. What is your spiritual faith and maturity like?
  12. Do we share similar spiritual outlooks on life?
  13. What kind of parent would you like to be?
  14. How good at nurturing are you?
  15. How do you handle your money?
  16. How do you take care of your possessions?
  17. How neat or messy are you?
  18. What is your sex drive like?
  19. How comfortable are you with your body and nudity?
  20. Do you initiate activities, recreation and closeness?

RELATIONSHIP SKILLS

  1. How much do you like to talk?
  2. Are your feelings congruent with your words?
  3. How much insight into your own thoughts and motives do you have?
  4. Are you able to put my perspective/feelings into words accurately?
  5. Are you able to put your own feelings into words?
  6. How open are you to get help for our relationship from someone outside of the relationship?
  7. Do you respect my perspective?
  8. How do you show me respect?
  9. Do you listen to me? How do you listen to me?
  10. When I tell you my ideas, do I feel validated by you?
  11. How do you show me you trust me?
  12. How much do you self-disclose about your day/life?
  13. How detail-oriented are you?
  14. How argumentative or defensive are you?
  15. Can you put your love into words?
  16. Do you withdraw very often? When?
  17. Do you attack or blame very often?
  18. Are you passive/aggressive?
  19. What are your weakest relational skills?
  20. How often do you say you’re sorry?
  21. Are you good at reconciling and making up?
  22. Do you initiate conversations? Apologies? Affection?

PAST RELATIONSHIP PATTERNS

  1. What were you like in previous relationships?
  2. What did your previous partners like about you?
  3. What did they dislike?
  4. What were the patterns of your previous relationships?
  5. What did you do well?
  6. What do you wish you had done differently?
  7. How do you describe your previous partners?
  8. What did you dislike about them?
  9. How did you fight with previous partners?
  10. How long were your relationships?
  11. How did your relationship(s) break up?
  12. Why did they break up?
  13. What is your relationship now with the previous partner(s)?
  14. What did you like to do in the previous relationship(s)?
  15. How were arguments resolved?
  16. What did you argue about?
  17. How well did you know your previous partner’s family? Friends?
  18. What did you try to fix in the previous relationship(s)? How?

List of questions ©John Van Epp, Ph.D.

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